


Five Times With Feeling

by zombiesbecrazy



Series: Pivot Points and Bridging Gaps [1]
Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: #halloweencontentwar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer References, Five Times, Gen, Halloween, smashing pre-new 52 and new 52 together because of reasons, timelines schimelines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-22 13:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12482312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiesbecrazy/pseuds/zombiesbecrazy
Summary: It's always better to have a friend to share life moments with; good, bad or mundane.Or four times Dick and Barbara watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer together and one time they didn't.





	1. October 1997

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the #HalloweenContentWar on Tumblr

"Why do you want to watch this?"  
  
"It's Tuesday"   
  
"But it's Halloween. We should be watching a horror movie. It’s what we do."  
  
"But it's still Tuesday. On Tuesday nights before patrol, I watch Buffy. You know this."  
  
"But _Halloween_." Dick had always loved Halloween, and autumn in general.  At the circus they didn’t trick or treat, but after that night’s performance or run-through, they had always had a big bonfire night with marshmallows and s’mores, sharing stories with everyone.  It had been a real family affair.  When he had moved into the manor he had missed it desperately, but quickly learned that other traditions could be fun too and he loved carving pumpkins with Alfred and trick or treating with Bruce. The past two years, he and Barbara spent the evening giving out candy to kids who ventured out to Wayne Manor and watched horror movies before patrol.  The manor was always a favourite hot spot for Gotham kids to visit, with the creepy look of the exterior in the dusky autumn twilight, top notch decorations leading up the driveway to the door, and the fact that everyone knew that Bruce Wayne gave out full sized candy bars.  
  
“On a _Tuesday_.” She laughed at him, but he knew that she wasn’t going to cave; she was far too stubborn for that. "How about this. You watch Buffy with me now and after patrol I'll come back here and watch whatever horror movie you want."  
  
Dick gave her side eyed look, considering her proposal. "What about the Commish?"  
  
"He's on nights this week. I'll let him know I'm staying with a friend." She brushed off his concern with a wave of her hand. "He's cool."  
  
"He won't care that it's a guy friend’s house?"  
  
"He won’t if I don't tell him."  
  
"You’re lying to your dad?"  
  
"I'm a teenage girl vigilante. Of course I'm lying to my dad. On the scale of what I lie to him about, sleeping at a male friend’s house is pretty low on the list. James is staying at a friend’s house tonight. Dad will just be glad I’m not home alone."  
  
"Alright then. But I want it on record that I think this show is stupid." But Dick didn’t want it on record that he was a bit terrified of Commissioner Gordon finding out that his daughter was going to have a sleepover at his house. Gordon knew they were friends, but something about her father’s stare made Dick know that the policeman didn’t think that he was good enough to hang out with Barbara. Not for any specific reason other than no one would ever be good enough for his daughter, even if there was absolutely nothing going on between them.  He even felt it when he was Robin. He was probably overreacting then though because he was 95% certain that Gordon didn’t know that Dick was Robin.

But the way the Commissioner looked at Dick sometimes…  
  
"Have you ever watched it?"  Dick shook his head and Barbara immediately looked like she wanted to hit him so he raised his hands in front of his face in mock defense. She jabbed him in the side instead making him let out a groan. Barbara had been gushing about this show since she started watching last year, but he just didn’t get it. It didn’t sound very interesting. "You can't say you don't like it if you haven't watched it!"  
  
"Her name is stupid. And vampires are silly. I can't believe anyone takes it seriously"  
  
"Says the guy named Dick who has fought with giant robots."  She pointed out and he had to admit that she definitely had him there and his primary excuse had gone out the window. It just was weird. "Valid point. Fine. I’ll watch. What do I need to know about this?"  
  
"Teenage girl who is the chosen one to fight demons and save the world. It's full of action, snappy dialogue and puns. I don't understand how you don't already watch it. It's practically made for you."  
  
"Ok. For you, I will give this one chance. One. But if it sucks, I'm going to make you watch the goriest horror movie I can think of."  
  
"And when you realize that it's awesome?"  
  
"I'll let you pick the movie later. And I'll share my popcorn."  
  
"You've got a deal, Boy Wonder. Prepare to lose."

* * *

_65 minutes later…_

"That was so good! Why didn't you make me watch this with you before?"

Dick still thought the premise was a little goofy - because _vampires_ \- but he was completely drawn in and wanted to know more. Why was Buffy THE Slayer? Who was the Slayer before her? Who was that Ethan Rayne guy and how did he know Giles? Why did people live in Sunnydale if crazy stuff kept happening? He had often thought the same thing about Gotham when he had first come to live here; why would people live here if they could just leave? He understood it now, the sense of hometown pride.

The characters were funny, but then you got hit in the gut with emotion when you weren’t expecting it.  The fight scenes were well choreographed and even though he could hear himself thinking of better combat moves (like he often did watching action movies), he had loved every second of it. But why had Barbara shared this? She had even said that she knew that he’d love it. And she was always right.

She smiled a little at him, reading his facing and knowing where his thoughts probably were going. "I don't know. Maybe I was worried you wouldn't like it?" Barbara was curling her hands in to fists and releasing them repeatedly and Dick frowned at the action.  It was her tell when she was nervous, and something she tended to do before she leapt into a fight outnumbered, but he couldn’t think of why she was mentally prepping herself for a battle now. It was just the two of them. "I think it's because it feels personal. There aren't a lot of shows with a kick ass female lead. I think I needed you to like it but didn't want to know if you thought it was too silly."

He grabbed her wrists to still the action, leaving his hands wrapped around them lightly and smiled when she mirrored his motion. Acrobat style safe hold. "Why would that matter to me? We know actual female heroes. We’re on first name terms with Wonder Woman.” He leans over and mock whispers at her, “I don't want to alarm you, but I'm sitting next to a girl superhero on this couch at this very moment."

"I know, but... part of me thought that if you thought it was dumb, that by extension you would think I am too. I know it’s stupid, but I’m projecting and that doesn’t have to be logical." She shook her head and looked towards their joined arms but something about her eyes made Dick think that she was looking through them. "Sometimes when I'm out there, I don't feel like I'm being taken seriously. When I show up to break something up, they look almost relieved that it's me and not one of the ‘real’ heroes. They think I’m a joke.”

Dick said nothing because even if he didn’t think that, he knew it was true. He had heard the thugs and criminals say it in the field; he had just always hoped that she didn't know that. He felt a little bit the same way sometimes when he was out with Batman because he was _only_ Robin, but he knew that wasn’t really the same thing.  When he got a bit older or grew a little taller, while he’d never be Batman, they’d hopefully stop thinking of him as a little kid.  They’d always think of Barbara as just a ‘girl’. "Does it help to know that they don't usually think that way after you've kicked them in the face?"

"A little." She looked back up and him and gave him a half smile and that move made him smile back. "It's just nice to see on TV, you know? Little girls can see a strong female hero every week, even if they don't have one in their own city. We don’t always have to be the damsel in distress. We can kick ass without you guys.” Dick knew that, on both sides of the costumed coin; Babs had taken him down sparring more than once and he knew what sort of vicious things Harley was capable of in battle. He wasn’t ashamed when he got taken out by a woman. No more so than against the men anyway; no one ever likes losing, regardless of who they are fighting. “Helps that it’s a good show too. Wouldn’t be the same impact if it was terrible.”

"We saw a few little girls dressed up as Batgirl earlier trick or treating." He had seen some over the past couple years as well, but the number of Batgirls, Supergirls and Wonder Women that had shown up at the manor this afternoon had been astounding. At one point a group of about seven girls had shown up together, all dressed up as female superheroes, and Bruce had taken a few pictures of them to send to Diana.  He had even convinced Barbara to pose in one, with a little Batgirl right in front of her. Barbara had looked sufficiently whelmed and Dick could barely contain his laughter. “You make a difference in more ways than you were meaning to when you started.”  
  
“I saw some girls dressed up as Batman and Robin, too.  They don’t need me to be inspired, but I can’t admit it isn’t nice.” Barbara glanced towards the clock, pulled in a slow steadying breath and pulled her hands away from Dick’s in order to stretch, shoulders making a popping sound. "Speaking of, it's about time for us to play dress up ourselves."   
  
“Want to switch it up for Halloween?  I can be Batgirl and you can be Robin?” Barbara laughed and Dick joined in. "I’ll take that as a no. Ready to run some rooftops?"

"Only if I get to kick some bad guys in the face."

"Wouldn't be a night out if you didn't." Barbara had got up and started to walk out of the room, towards the study, but Dick grabbed her wrist again gently before she could get too far. “I know I said I’d let you pick the movie, but can I make a request?”

“We aren’t watching ‘The Thing’ again.”

Dick shook his head in dissention. He wouldn’t have made her watch that one anyways, knowing that she hated it. “Can we watch more Buffy? I want to watch from the beginning.” Dick could already tell this was going to be a new obsession. He had so many questions that needed to be answered and he knew that he’d be thinking about it all through patrol. Knowing that he could watch more later would help him put the show temporarily out of his thoughts so he could focus on what was happening in Gotham that night. “I’m going to start watching it with you, but I need to catch up first. I need more.”

“We can’t watch all of the first season tonight.”

“We can start.”

“Of course. If only to prove that I was right about it being fantastic.”

“You usually are.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are curious, they were watching BTVS season 2, episode six - Halloween


	2. November 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara had been insistent that she didn't want any visitors but Dick doesn't really take orders well.

"I thought I was pretty damn clear when I said I didn't want any visitors."

"You were."

"Yet here you are."

Dick shrugged a little and couldn’t help but think that this had been a huge mistake. "It's Tuesday. On Tuesday's we watch Buffy."  The answer seemed obvious and stupid, all rolled into a big pile of embarrassment. Why did he think this was going to be a good idea?

“And if I don’t want to?” She continued to stare at the ceiling, refusing to look him in the eye.  Her tone was icily definitive and made him feel like he was scum and that he definitely shouldn’t have decided to come because he clearly wasn’t wanted. The problem was that he needed to be here, if not for her, but for himself.  He needed to see her, alive and not-well. He could deal with her fury, because at least that meant that her fury even existed at all. 

Because she almost had left him.

But he was here, and now that he was in the room, Dick felt committed, no matter how big of a mistake it may be. “Then I’ll sit here quietly and watch by myself.  If I leave now, I’ll miss the beginning and that would be all your fault.” She made an irritated noise and he swallowed a little nervously, because he hated arguing with her when it was _real_ ; when it wasn’t just banter. When she was genuinely upset with him. He normally couldn’t stand it when she was mad at him, but he couldn’t leave her here. Not now. Not when nothing about the situation was normal. “I’m not visiting. I just happen to be watching TV here.”

Barbara turned her head towards the screen but said nothing and Dick settled himself down into the chair beside her bed, picked up the remote on the table and changed the channel.

Six days.  It had been six days since the Joker had shown up at the Gordon’s door and shot Barbara through the spine and tortured her; not because she had been Batgirl but because he was a chaotic monster.  Six days since her life had been turned upside down.  Batman had been in to see her after he had freed the Commissioner, but since that night she hadn’t allowed anyone besides her father and hospital staff to see her.

Dick still didn’t know all the details but from what he did he was confident that he really didn’t want to know more.

Gordon had called Dick earlier in the day and had told him explicitly that he wasn’t allowed to visit his daughter.  That Barbara wanted to be left alone.  That she would absolutely be by herself in her room on the 8th floor of Gotham General between seven and eleven. That she was brave and strong and didn’t need any company at all, especially from a friend like him. And the nurse in charge of her ward would be definitely not be expecting him to be there outside of non-family visiting hours. 

He had always liked Jim Gordon.

A few minutes into the start of the show, when the intro started, Dick looked over and could see a few tears silently running down her cheeks. "Barbara." Nothing. He grabbed her hand but she didn't look at him. "Babs." No reaction. She was just lying in her bed, staring at the screen and looking absolutely crushed, and he had no idea how to help. He could beat up bad guys until the sun came up and talk a big game with the best, but seeing Barbara quietly fall apart in a hospital bed made him feel useless and unsure.

He didn't know what else to do, so he went around to the other side of the bed, where there weren't any wires or monitors attached, kicked off his shoes and climbed up. Dick knew that he probably shouldn’t be in the bed; that any wrong move could put Barbara into more pain, but he couldn’t just sit there any longer without doing something. He laid down on his side and curled up next to her, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around her because he didn’t want to accidentally touch her in a way that would hurt, but he reached down and grabbed her hand and gave a small squeeze. Her breathing hitched and he felt her upper body lean towards him slightly, while not able to ignore the fact that her lower body didn't respond at all.

They laid there on her bed for the rest of the episode, watching in silence, but Dick wasn’t really following the plot and had no idea what was happening. As the end credits rolled, he hit the mute button on the remote, but didn’t say anything.  The quiet was sort of nice, which surprised him. He had been expecting it to be awkward, but it just felt like it always did when they hung out. He was even laying on top of the quilt that was usually on her bed and he guessed that the Commissioner had brought it from home for some sense of familiar normalcy.

He didn’t know how long they had been lying there in silence, and it could almost feel himself dozing off when he heard Barbara whisper, "I don't know if I can do this." He tightened his fingers around hers a little bit more.  "I can't walk, Dick. Not again. Not ever."

"I know."

She turned her head a little to look at him for the first time, really, since he came to her room. "Thank you." Dick must have given her a strange expression because she shook her head a bit and stared back up at that white, cracked ceiling. "For being honest. Everyone else keeps telling me _maybe_. That there is _a chance_. _Someday_. I've read the medical reports. My spinal cord is destroyed. There's no maybe about it."  If it were anyone else he would have expected her voice to tremble, for her to fall apart, but all he could hear was frustration and anger.

"You can do this. You are the strongest person I know. And definitely the smartest. If anyone can keep moving forward after this, it's you." 

"What am I supposed do now?"

"What did your doctors say?" He didn’t know what to tell her. He didn’t know anything about rehab or wheelchairs or…

"Not about daily life. I mean, about the… night life. I can't just walk away again." She winced at her own words, and he ever so slightly nudged her shoulder with his. _Too soon_.  "Not now. What I mean is, I can't ignore it. I know what happens out there in the shadows." Barbara gave an angry sort of laugh and Dick didn’t quite know how to react because he knew she didn’t think it was funny. "And now I know what it's like to be a victim." Again her voice cracked, but the tears didn’t come this time. "I know too much."  
  
"First, you are not a victim. Not if you don't let yourself be."  
  
"I feel pretty victimized right now."

"Yes, you are a victim of Joker’s attack, but you don't have to stay that way. You can keep fighting." This was the girl who took it upon herself to be Batgirl. To throw herself into this underworld life with or without a mentor to start with and succeed, and Dick believed that she could literally do anything. She just needed to be reminded of that. "Just because you can't do what you used to do in the field, doesn't mean you have to turn your back on everything completely if you don't want to. You can still do it, just a little differently. Look at Alfred or Dr. Thompkins.” Dick waved his hand back towards the blank screen of the TV, “Look at Willow."

"She's uses magic sometimes now."

"We know real people who use magic. And without the magic, she's still crazy smart and resourceful. She can save the world with her brain alone. Like another redhead I know."

"Kori?"

Dick shook his head. His girlfriend was smart, but it was a different smart. Not Barbara smart. "Not her. My best friend."

"Right. Wally." The corners of her mouth turned up in the smallest of smiles and seeing that was the best thing that had happened to him all week. Dick groaned a bit and the smile grew on her face, almost to a genuine Barbara Gordon smile. It was amazing to see and Dick found himself wanting to celebrate that little win. "I know too many red heads." He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on her temple, wishing that he could wrap her a big hug to go along with it. He wanted to feel her in his arms, to try and show her that he believed everything thing that he was trying to tell her in a way he knew that she would understand. "You understand what I'm saying though, right? You don't have to stop because of this. You have to pivot, but not stop. Not if you don't want to. You'll think of something. Something amazing.” She nodded, and he continued, “And if in the end you do decide that you are done? If you want out for good? None of us would fault you for that. You’ll still be my Babs.”

Barbara gave him another smile, but said nothing about it. "Don't you have somewhere to be tonight?"

"I can take an evening off."

"Does Bruce know that?"

"He has Jason. I don’t think he knows I’m in town tonight. If he needs me though, he should be able to find me. He is a detective." Dick shrugged, trying to not think about the fight that he had with Bruce last night when he had stopped by the Cave. Usually he thought that their arguments were Bruce’s fault, but this one was all Dick.  He knew that he was projecting his helplessness about Barbara; the punch he landed to Bruce’s jaw had made him feel temporarily better at the sound of the large crack though. Bruce hadn’t even fought back, seeming to know that Dick needed the release. Dick had also let the Titans know that he was out of commission for the night in case something came up, but Wally had already been making sure that they were giving him some space since Barbara had been shot so he wasn’t really expecting anything anyway. "I'm exactly where I was needed tonight."

For another twenty minutes they laid on the bed and talked about nothing until a nurse came into the room, and looked unsurprised to see Dick lying in the bed with Barbara. She went to the machines and made some notes on the chart for a few minutes before she spoke. “Mr. Grayson, I’m afraid it’s time for you leave for the night. We need to do a few things and then Barbara needs her rest.” Dick nodded, knowing that he was lucky to get the time that he had had with her in the first place. He brushed strand of hair off Barbara’s face, placed another kiss on her head and squeezed her hand once more before he climbed out of the bed.

“See you next time?” and she nodded in affirmative. Dick gave a small wave and walked to the door

“Hey, Dick?” Dick turned back to look at her and for the first time that night saw a glimpse of the girl he knew and his heart soared at the sight. A spark in her eyes that was pure Barbara. She was still in there. She’d be back.  He just knew it. “Thank you. For tonight.”

“Love you, Babs.” And in that moment, as soon as the words came out of his mouth, they were _true_. He had known that he loved her for years, she was one of his best friends, but now he realized that he was _in_ love with Barbara Gordon and that was a very different thing. Unyielding, terrifying, stupid love. Maybe he had always known deep down, but now it was a certainty in his heart and his brain and he sort of felt that he was hit by a truck with this information.  How had he not known this before? Why now? Did everyone else know this but him? Did she know?

“I love you too.”

Dick could feel the goofy smile creep onto his face and his cheeks felt strangely hot.  He turned quickly before Barbara could see him blushing, but he was pretty sure that it was too late. He felt like he was broadcasting to the world. It was amazing to hear those words said back to him, even if he knew that she probably didn’t really feel the same way. At least not now. Not the same way he meant them, but maybe…

_Now is not the time. Get a grip, Grayson_.

In order to stop himself from rushing back across the room and passionately kissing her in front of the nurse, he forced himself to step quickly into the hall and shut the door behind him, leaning against it with his eyes closed. _You’re dating Kori. Stop it_.  Dick took a few deep breaths and then opened his eyes, immediately spotting the Commissioner in a chair, drinking coffee out of a styrofoam cup. Staring at him. Dick didn’t know what to do or how to explain his odd state in the hall, so he did the only thing he could do, and sat down beside him. He knew it wasn’t normal to sit down with a girl’s father immediately after discovering that you are secretly in love with her but nothing about their situation could be described as normal, and if he was being honest with himself his legs were shaking and he felt off balance.  Sitting was a good choice compared to falling over.

The man looked completely exhausted, but nodded at Dick, almost giving him what could be described as a grin. Dick didn’t know what to say, and found himself struggling to behave like a normal human.  What did he do with his hands?  Do people normally sweat this much while sitting down?  He blurted out the first thing that he could think of that wasn’t something along the line of _I’m in love with your daughter who got paralyzed by a psycho clown last week when you were kidnapped and tortured_. “Are you alright, Commissioner?” 

“No, but it is what it is.” Gordon took a long drink from his coffee and then held the warm cup between his palms. “Thank you for coming tonight, son.  She needed to see someone who wasn’t me or medical people even if she didn’t say so. My girl is strong, but she’s stubborn as all hell.”

“That she is, sir. She’ll be ok. Maybe not soon, but she will be.”

Gordon grunted in a probably unintentional way that sounded very close a Batman sound and suddenly Dick just couldn’t deal with that sound. Not tonight. Not now.  Dick needed to get outside and do something, anything, to clear his head and sort out his thoughts. He needed to move. Now. Even though his legs felt like jello and his heart was racing. He stood up again rather abruptly, grabbed the Gordon’s hand to shake it and very quickly said, “Goodnight, sir.”

Gordon appeared startled by Dick’s surprising departure, so soon after he sat down, but just nodded his head. “Have a good night, Dick.”

“Thank you, sir.” Gordon gave him another strange look. He had told the Dick on several occasions to call him Jim, but Dick never had (probably because of living with Alfred for so long) however calling him ‘sir’ three times in such little time was a little overkill, even for formality reasons. A few beats passed until Gordon gave a small shrug and Dick hoped that he had passed everything he had seen off as hospital awkwardness, and not his new secret love for his daughter.

He rode the elevator to the roof, stripped down to his Nightwing uniform, and grappled off into the night, leaving his regular clothes strewn across the rooftop. He’d get them later, he just needed to fly.

At least this was a part of his life that he still understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode on the TV was season 3, episode 8 - Lovers Walk


	3. February 2002

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's been Batman for a week and it's been nothing but terrible.

* * *

 

“…and I can’t even turn my head in the stupid cowl!”

“Uh huh.”

Barbara smiled a little as she drank her tea and that grin made Dick even more irritated than he already was. He had been Batman for a week and he had hated every second of it. The physical weight of the cape and the psychological weight of the mantle was suffocating and one of his oldest friends wasn’t helping the situation with her barely contained laughter. He knew he was complaining and he had warned her at the beginning that it was all rhetorical and didn’t want her to interrupt, but now he was frustrated that she hadn’t said anything remotely helpful.  All she did was watch as he paced back and forth in her living room. She was probably mocking him in her head.

“You could at least pretend to care.”

“Hey. I care.” Barbara waved at him to come closer and when he did she grabbed his hands and pulled him downwards onto the couch beside her.  She outstretched her arm and Dick leaned his head onto her shoulder and she wrapped him in a loose half hug.  “Sorry. I didn’t think you were being serious. I just thought that it was a rant, that’s all. I didn’t think I was being encouraged to participate. In fact, you specifically had told me not to.” She started to run her hand through his hair and he could feel his body beginning to relax even though his mind continued to race. “This isn’t about being Batman. Not really.”

“It is.  I don’t want to do it. I know I have to because Gotham needs Batman, but I’m a fraud. I’m not him.  Bruce is dead.” He takes a shaky, deep breath and he feels Barbara’s hand still at the sound. “My dad is dead.” A tear slips out of his eye, quickly followed by another one, and he know what is about to happen but can’t do anything to stop it. “Again.” His voice cracks with the last word and it was the thing that broke whatever was left of his emotional control. Barbara pulls him into a tighter hug and begins rubbing his back softly, saying nothing, as he just started sobbing and shaking with the effort; the severity of his reaction actually surprised him which just made it even worse, and he just starts crying harder. Everything that he had been pushing down and putting aside for _later_ came to the surface and was out of his control.  He had been so busy trying to hold everything together that he hadn’t really given himself the chance to grieve yet. He and Alfred had spoken at length, but it was when everything was still so new that it didn’t feel real, and now he didn’t want to unload this on Tim or Damian who were both dealing with their own issues about it. Hell, Tim probably won’t speak to him ever again and he didn’t understand Damian at all, let alone know if Damian actually cared that Bruce was gone. 

She’s right, of course. It isn’t only about being Batman.

It had only been a matter of time until he snapped.

Of course it had happened here when he wasn’t on his guard.  When he was in the Clocktower with his ex-girlfriend; the woman that he was still in love with no matter how hard he tried to move on, because despite it all, she always made him feel safe and secure. Being with her was home away from home. The home that his heart felt the safest at.

So he just wept as she held him.

He didn’t know how long his breakdown lasted, but when he finally settled down again and was able to catch his breath he found himself to be lying down on the couch with his head resting in Barbara’s lap. One of her hands was holding his, on top of his heart, the other one was running through his hair and he could hear her singing softly, but he couldn’t place the song.  It was nice. He didn’t want to move. Not now, not ever. Not out of this quiet sanctuary away from reality.

“I can’t be Batman. I’m not Bruce.” His whispered voice now sounded low and raspy and nothing like his own. God, he was tired.

“Those things don’t necessarily have to go together.” Barbara’s tone was soothing and he felt himself calming down even more at her words and touch. She seemed to know that he didn’t really want to talk about his feelings about Bruce himself and his death right now, even though probably he needed to.  He just wanted to focus on something that he could control and fix. He wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed if he could just figure something, anything, out. “You’re right.  You aren’t Bruce.  Don’t try to be because you can’t be him. Just be you. In a different suit. Be Batman.”

“With a stupid cape and no peripheral vision.”

She rolled her eyes at him, knowing how much he hated fighting in a cape and how glad he had been to get rid of it the first time. “Think of it as rebranding. You’ve done that before.”

“Creating Nightwing and taking over Batman aren’t the same thing.”

“But if you were to _fix_ Batman, what would you do? Think of Bruce as the original, but you’re the upgrade. Debugged. Rewritten code. Batman 2.0 beta rollout.”

“You’re a nerd, Oracle.”

“That’s why you pay me the big bucks.”

“We pay you?” Barbara gave a little laugh and squeezed his hand a little tighter. “I can’t just be me though.  That’s Nightwing.” Dick had no idea how to move forward as Batman because every time he thought about it, he knew everyone would immediately know that it was him in the suit; little Nightwing playing dress up in big, bad Batman’s clothes. He tried to meet Barbara’s gaze, and the corner of his lips perked up a little when he saw the faraway look in her eyes.  The look that meant that her brain was moving so fast that even if she told him what she was thinking that he wouldn’t be able to follow. He knew a lot of geniuses, but she was just on a whole other level of processing. 

After a few minutes of silence, Barbara’s fingers stopped moving through his hair. “You know what would scare me if I was a criminal who came up against Batman?”

“Most things.  Bruce was menacing, with the size and the voice and the glare… Are you planning on becoming a super villain?” He was trying to lighten the mood, but in reality, he knew that she would be a terrifying foe. She would be able to take down a small country from her laptop and disappear before they even knew there was a problem.

“That’s it though. He was _predictably_ scary.” She finally looks back at Dick and she has a twinkle in her eye, and he knew that she had a plan. Or at least the start of a plan. “A Batman who wasn’t afraid to smile would be terrifying.”

Dick laughs, because what else can he do?  She’s being ridiculous. “What?”

“Think about it. I’m a Penguin goon and I run into Batman.  Batman looks at me, and instead of grunting at me and throwing the usual right jab to break my jaw, he just smiles. And waits. Personally, I’d be more concerned about that. Why is Batman smiling? What is he thinking about doing to me that is making him smile?” Barbara gives Dick a little half shrug, “That confusion alone would scare me at least.”

“Isn’t that a little… Jokerish?”

“Maybe, but I think its a little Dick Grayson-y as well.”

“Thank you for comparing me to that monster.”

“Not what I meant.”  Barbara sighs and swallows, apparently trying to sort out her thoughts. “Do you like being out there? Fighting the good fight?”

“What? Of course. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t.” Sure, some times were harder than others, but he loved what he did, could do, for the city and for its people.

“Well, the Dick Grayson that I know smiles when he’s happy or having fun. He doesn’t even notice he’s doing it all the time. It’s reflex. That shouldn’t have to stop because he’s wearing a mask with stupid horns on it. Take advantage of the fact that smiling might be a little creepy when you can’t see your whole face. I don’t quippiness is a great idea but you don’t have to lose who you are completely when you’re in the suit.”

“They’re ears, not horns.”

“Whatever.” She starts moving her hand again and he closes his eyes as her fingers move in slow circles, and hears himself humming quietly with the motion.  “Not that long ago you told me to pivot. You need to take your own advice, Bat Hunk. It’s just something small that might make stepping into those big boots a little less daunting.”

Pivot. Pivoting was less daunting that starting over. Pivoting he could handle. What she was saying was making sense and it even wasn’t that hard to do. He couldn’t be Bruce, but he _could_ be Batman. He could act the part with some changes.  Maybe he could talk to Alfred and see if they could make the cape a bit lighter, so that he didn’t feel like it was pulling him backwards. He probably could try and do less flips in the field as well and work on his offense.

Suddenly, being Batman wasn’t such a big deal. But he had another bigger problem. A 10 year old assassin type problem.  “What am I going to do about Damian? I can’t send him back to Talia and the League.”

Barbara seems surprised by his question. “You made him Robin.”

“And I’m already questioning myself.” Dick sighs and he can feel the pressure building up again in his chest and he’s getting worked up again.  This is the thing that has been stressing him out the most. He could handle training a new Robin, but this was so much more than that. “I can’t raise a kid, Babs.  And I definitely can’t raise _that_ kid.” So reactive, arrogant and murderous. Dick had no idea what to do with Damian.  The kid would probably kill him in his sleep after some perceived slight.

“You can and you will. You already made that choice and you can’t go back on that now.” Barbara’s voice was firm and borderline angry, and Dick had the feeling that if he hadn’t just had an emotional breakdown on her couch that she would have slapped him. He probably deserved it. She paused, and must have seen something in his face, and she softened her tone. “Alfred will help you, just like he helped Bruce when he took you in. Damian needs you, Dick. More than he’s going to let you know.” He knew this, in his mind and his heart and gut.  The situation was very different, but he knew a little bit about being a kid who had everything change on him overnight and needing someone to look after him. There was no way that he would abandon Damian or send him away. He was just scared. Dick swallowed and nodded slightly, and Barbara continued, “All of us will help; you just have to ask for it when you need it. I know you aren’t good at that, but try.”

Dick started to protest, but Barbara shut him up with a quick glare. She was right, of course. She knew that more than almost anyone. “The thing that I didn’t really notice about Bruce until I was Oracle was that for a man who was always insisting that he worked alone, he has the biggest support system of people around him out of the entire League. And those same people are there for you as well. Probably more so.”

“You hate Damian.”

“I don’t know him enough to hate him. I’ll admit I don’t like him too much so far but that doesn’t matter.” She tightened his arm that was across his chest a little bit and he could tell that she was trying to press her words into him. To make them stick even if he didn’t believe them. “You’re the heart of our weird, little family, Dick. We love you. We won’t let you drown in this.”

“I’m the one who’s going to let everyone drown.” Dick finally pulls himself upright and sits beside Barbara on the couch, staring at his hands resting in his lap. “I have a hard enough time looking after myself and I’m barely able to be a fully functioning adult on a good day. It’s like I’m always running in quicksand; I keep going until eventually I find myself completely submerged without knowing it was happening to begin with.” Dick’s mind is a blur, thinking of all the times that he’s let someone down. Failed them. Disappointed them because he just wasn’t good enough or fast enough. When someone got hurt or worse because of something he had decided or done or missed and this was all just too much. He just felt empty at this point. “I’m pretty good at screwing up my own life. I can’t be responsible for another human. Or an entire city.” He finally turns and stares into Barbara’s green eyes and thinks of all the mistakes that he’s made with her. “I couldn’t even find a way to make us work and we’re perfect.”

“You and I are many things Richard Grayson, but we are not perfect. And it took the two of us to make it not work out last time.” Barbara leans forward, places her hand on his cheek and gives Dick a soft kiss that is both too long and not long enough and makes him feel unraveled all over again. He can feel how much she cares for him in such a small move, but he knows that this conversation won’t end the way he wants it to. “I love you.” Her voice sounds sad and he can hear the ‘ _but’_ in the air even though it goes unsaid. “You have so many balls in the air. I just can’t be one of them. You have a 10 year old to mentor and raise, a city to protect and probably a lot of Wayne Enterprises things to focus on that you aren’t even thinking about. Baby steps. Pivot and prioritize. You need to focus on what matters most and right now that isn’t us.  When you need me, I’ll help you figure out that stuff first, as your friend and as Oracle. When you have all those things sorted, we’ll talk.” She reaches up and brushes her thumb against his cheek, apparently brushing away another tear that he hadn’t realized had slipped out. “Damian, Batman, Wayne Enterprises. In that order. We’re the easy part. Save it for later.”

All he could do was nod. He still felt incredibly overwhelmed, but he did feel better about it. It was weird to feel so depressed and full of hope at the same time. His brain and heart felt full. “Can we watch some TV and just ignore the world for a little bit? I’m not ready to go home.” Tomorrow. He’d start on his new plans tomorrow. Now he just needed his mind to turn off for a while and be comfortably numb.

“Of course.”

“Buffy.”

“Even though it’s not Tuesday?” Dick nodded again.  “Sure.”

He gets up, finds what he’s looking for on her shelf and pops a random season three disk into her DVD player and then makes his way into Barbara’s kitchen to make some more tea. He leans against the counter while waiting for the water to boil. He felt better than he did before, but exhausted. He can do this, and it doesn’t have to be by himself. His family can help him. Barbara will help him.

He isn’t alone.

Tea made, Dick heads back into the living room, setting the drinks down on the coffee table and he sits back down on the couch.  He pulls Barbara close against his side and gave her a kiss on the top of her head, taking in the scent of her hair, watching the beginning of the prom episode start on the screen. A good choice - it meets his current mood of sad but optimistic. She relaxes into his embrace, and Dick can’t help but smile to himself. He can do this. They can do this. They’ll all be okay.

He gives her a small squeeze and she snuggles into him further. “You still my girl?”

“Always.”


	4. May 2003

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the end of one era and the restart of another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter loosely ties in to my story Regular People. Reading it is definitely not required.

* * *

Every muscle, and quite a few bones, in Dick Grayson’s body were screaming at him. The night had been hell, with Harvey Dent and Killer Croc somehow deciding that joining forces and trying to blow up the west side of Gotham would be a great way to spend a Thursday night. It was an all hands on deck type situation and it was Batgirl’s official first time back in the field with the entire team since her surgery to repair her spine. She had been out for a couple of weeks on her own, but this was her first true test of good old fashioned Gotham mayhem back in her cowl.

She had been magnificent all night and Dick had found himself haunted by her every move, not able to take his eyes off her.

Which in turn resulted in him not paying attention his surroundings, getting accidentally cornered, outnumbered, and Two Face attempting to remove his arm with a giant chain and hook contraption.  He had gotten lucky because Batgirl had been keeping an eye on him as well and she had dropped from above, taking Harvey out with a well-placed kick the head. 

It was still her signature move after all these years away. Flawless and effective. Knocked him out immediately. It was awesome.

Now, hours later and the city was safe again for the time being, they are sitting on the top of Brown’s Bridge, their pre-Joker-bullet usual post all-nighter hangout spot of choice, on a wide beam high above the street waiting for the sun to come up.  Everything feels so familiar and new all at the same time.  They haven’t done this in years, but it all falls back into a comfortable place.  Babs sits on his left side, as she usually did. “How’s the wrist?”

He looks down at his right wrist and wiggles his fingers. “Hurts.” He’s not looking forward to seeing the damage when he takes the suit off later; he already knows it’s going to be all sorts of fun bruise colours where the hook had been secured. He’s been careful to not let on how bad the damage actually is; that it isn’t just his wrist, but his entire arm screaming at him. She hadn’t seen him reset his own dislocated shoulder while she was restraining Two Face, but he was pretty sure nothing was actually torn internally and the wrist was feeling like the worst of it right now. Grappling up to the top of their bridge had been agony on his shoulder, but he wasn’t going to miss it. Not tonight.

“Let me see it.”

“It’s just bruised. I’m fine.” Dick lies smoothly, but doesn’t think she’s buying it. Barbara takes his right arm gently and he tries not to wince as she examines the wrist, rotating it slowly and testing the range.  Honestly he’s just glad it’s not broken again. “Stupid Two Face.” He lets out a small hiss as she presses down in slightly and she loosens her grip. “I want to hit him in the good side of his face again until it matches the burned side, but you know, _wrist_.”

“And that’s not how punching works.”

“That too.”

Apparently happy enough with what she’s seen with the wrist, or is at least convinced that it wasn’t going to fall off any time soon, she lets go of his arm slowly and Dick immediately misses her touch. Less than a second later, Dick has his good left arm wrapped around her and pulls her in close to him, holding onto her tight. She wraps her arm around him in response, giving a firm squeeze.  For the first time all night, the pain in his body feels a little bit less urgent.

“How’s the comeback going?”

“Amazing. And hard. And terrifyingly brilliant.” She’s staring out over the city, and has a wistful look on her face. “I know I was important as Oracle, but something about being back out here just makes me feel… hopeful? It’s hard to put into words.” Her eyes are sparkling, not with tears, but with excitement.  She’s positively glowing. “It feels like I’m flying.”

“Well, that is one thing that I definitely understand.” Dick’s moves his arm up to her shoulder and he gives it a small squeeze. “I missed coming up here with you.”

“Me too. I missed this part so much. Post battle beverages in the Clocktower wasn’t quite the same as being up here with this view.” Her grin is practically contagious. “I still can’t believe the implant worked. It’s crazy.” She points down and Dick follows with his eyes, the both of them staring at her feet as she wiggles them. “I can _walk_.”

“I can see that.” And he loved it. He really did. Seeing her up here on their bridge with him again made him so unbelievably happy.  “We’re definitely going to struggle a little without Oracle in our ears every night, though.” In reality, she was going to leave a gaping hole in their operation by going back out on the streets instead of being behind the screens. Bruce and Dick had talked a lot about it between them since her surgery, but Dick knew Bruce hadn’t spoken to Barbara about his concerns yet and it wasn’t really Dick’s place to do it either. How could he when she was now able to get back out there and doing it so well? Not yet anyway. They were managing so far without her in the comms so Bruce had been letting it slide. “Now who’s going to tell me where the pop up food trucks are?”

“Or save your ass when you bite off more than you can chew?”

“When I choke on a churro or when I get jumped by too many gang members and need an escape route?”

“Either one.” Barbara sighs, and looks to the grapple strapped to her thigh, and Dick knows that she’s thinking about the choice that she’s made and what she’s left behind by moving on. About that conversation that she needs to have with Bruce; the one she has to know is coming.  Because Barbara always knows everything. “Maybe I can do both somehow. Or find someone to train.”

“Change can be good,” says Dick noncommittally.

“Speaking of change, I’ve been meaning to ask; what’s with the red suit?”

If Dick had a hundred guesses about what Barbara would want to question him about, he would never had guessed that one. “Just wanted a change. You don’t like it?”

“It’s fine. I miss the old one. It was a nice blue.”

“I still have it. Maybe I’ll throw it back into the rotation.”

“Matches your eyes.”

“You can’t see my eyes with the mask on.”

“I still know what they look like. Those blues are impossible to forget.”

They’ve been doing this particular dance for a few months. This mild, tame flirting. It was nice and fun, but a little strange. They had been upfront with each over about their feelings, these sparks between them, ever since Dick had finally confessed his love not long after she had been paralyzed. Even when it hurt, they had talked about their relationship status, almost endlessly, but something was different now. Something had changed since Barbara’s surgery and Dick was pretty sure it was connected. Actually, he was one hundred percent sure it was.

Barbara was nervous about getting back together with him again. About being… intimate with him again.

They had tiptoed around the subject, but she was understandably shy about it. Her body was completely different than it had been last time that they had been together. They had both been nervous getting together the first time, trying to figure out what worked and what didn’t, but they had been young and awkward together so that had helped. Things were different now, they were older and with more experience but it was almost like starting from the beginning all over again. And while she was back to being Batgirl, Barbara Gordon just wasn’t ready for a physical relationship yet.

Just like she had had to relearn to walk and fight, she had to learn to re-love herself again in her new body before they could jump back into anything together. Dick wanted to understand where she was coming from, he really did, but at the same time he didn’t because it just didn’t matter to him. He loved her either way and she was the same girl to him, legs or no legs. And then he got annoyed with himself for being such a selfish jerk for thinking like that because it really had nothing to do with him and what he thought; this was all about her healing process and what she needed to move forward, with or without him. If Barbara needed more time, he was going to give it to her. As much as she needed. He’d wait. They would get there eventually. Hopefully. Maybe.

Timing. Not ever their strong suit.

“Are we not going to talk about it?” Barbara blurted out and Dick gave her a questioning look because he was a little lost in his own thoughts and he was pretty sure that they weren’t thinking the same thing, especially with the mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Talk about?”

“Earlier tonight! Super important life changing event!”

Dick is instantly relieved. This conversation was one that he could have. It was a milestone for them in another way tonight. They had sat on Dick’s bed earlier that evening, before everything had gotten all explode-y, and had watched the last episode of Buffy, ever. It was the end of an era, and for a guy who considered himself to be a pretty adaptable person, Dick was upset about this disruption to his life. “I can’t believe it’s just _over_. Boom.”

The Scooby gang had geared up, saved the world and now all Dick felt about it was sad. It made him wonder what he would feel like if all of Gotham’s problems were suddenly gone. Resolved in one grand finale. Where would they go from there?

“Seven years is a long time for a TV show, Nightwing.”

“Still.”

“Are you pouting, Short Pants?”

To prove his point, Dick stuck out his lip a little and she giggled. “A little.” He turned it into a sad grin and looked out towards the skyline. “It was one of the few constants in my life and now it’s gone. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I was attached. I’m still attached. We grew up with that show.”

“That is true. We’ve gone through a lot with it.” Barbara rubbed her arm up and down his side and he was having a difficult time focusing on anything else. “You knew it was the last season.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“No, you don’t. You have to admit it was a good episode though.”

“I do. They saved the world. A lot. I’m a big fan of that.” He knew not everyone would like it, but in the end, the last episode came down to the things that Dick put first in his life. Family. Friends. Duty. Love. “You know what else I like?  Being back here.  With you.”

“Me too.”

Dick turned to her and her face was close to his, and they did what they always did when the inevitable pull between them got too great.  He closed the distance between them and kissed her lips lightly. He grinned as she kissed him back eagerly. It wasn’t rushed or frenzied and by all outsider accounts would probably be described as a tame, but it was just right. When they broke apart, she rested her forehead against his.

Barbara kept her eyes closed, and Dick could almost count her eyelashes. “Let’s just watch the sunrise together?” she murmured quietly. He nodded, but didn’t turn to look at the skyline. He just kept staring at her. She didn’t move either, just smiled to herself.

All his aches and pains from the fight were suddenly gone. He could wait for her forever, but hopefully he wouldn’t have to.


	5. After the Crime Syndicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t like Barbara had never watched Buffy without Dick, but it definitely wasn’t the same without his running commentary beside her.

* * *

“What you watching, Red?”

Jason’s voice interrupted Barbara’s train of thought as she stared at the screen, trying to find what she was looking for. She looked up to see Jason and Tim come into the room, carrying soft drinks and bowls of snacks. “Nice shirt, by the way.”

Barbara smiled and looked down at her grey and blue Nightwing t-shirt. Dick had bought it for her one day a few months ago when they had been wandering around downtown, trying to decide on a place to have lunch.  He had seen it in the window of one of those touristy shops that a local Gothamite wouldn’t normally be caught dead in, full of knick knacks and cheap souvenirs. He had dragged her inside, saying that she definitely needed a shirt of her favourite vigilante and feigned the appropriate amount of indignation when she said that she didn’t see any Black Canary memorabilia anywhere in the shop.  He bought it for her anyway, grumbling about not being able to compete with the fishnets. 

It had been a good day.

Now the shirt seemed like an appropriate homage to Dick on what felt like one of the worst days of her life.  It had been a few hours since his funeral and she couldn’t bring herself to leave the manor. She could have gone home but didn’t want to have to give Frankie or Alysia half truths about how she was feeling or a full rundown of their relationship history, so she stayed put.  She had wandered around the manor for a bit, consciously avoiding Dick’s old room on the third floor at all costs, and now found herself in the family room, curled up on the couch under what looked like a handmade quilt, queuing up Netflix.

“I was going to watch some Buffy, but I wasn’t expecting you two to stay after the service. We can find something else if you want.”

“No, it’s perfect.” Jason plopped himself down on the couch beside her. Tim nodded and sat down on the other side of him. “Love that show.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I love a good resurrected character.” He settled a bowl of popcorn between them and stretched his legs out onto the coffee table in front of him. “The lady died twice and was still a badass. I respect that.”

Tim laughed softly, “Definitely has you beat, Jay.” Jason punched him a little harder than necessary in the shoulder, but Tim continued on, giving Barbara a smile across the couch. “Good choice for tonight. Dick made me watch this show when I started as Robin. It helped me unwind after patrolling.”

“Me too.” said Jason, “I learned how to do kip-ups from watching Buffy when I couldn’t get it figured out on my own. Bruce was pissed that he had spent weeks trying to teach me such a basic move and I could suddenly do it on my own after watching one episode with Dick.”

They looked at Barbara, who was a little surprised by these revelations. She hadn’t realized that Dick had passed on their obsession. “I made him start watching it with me. Every week since season two. First time we watched it together was in this room before a patrol.”

“So it’s your fault that we know all the words to Once More With Feeling?” said Jason, with a laugh threatening to break through his voice.

“One hundred percent. I’m glad to know that I’ve been such an influential figure on the television viewing preferences of Robins.” Barbara waved at the TV with the remote. “Anyone have an episode request?”

No one said anything for a few moments until Tim quietly asked, “What was Dick’s favourite?”

Barbara smiled and scrolled through the episode list on the screen and selected The Zeppo, catching Jason rolling his eyes.  “What? He liked Xander’s random side adventures. Plus, Jimmy Olson references.” Tim giggled and Jason grumbled something about _Replacement_ but Barbara couldn’t tell if he was talking about Tim or the Xander body double episode. “It was either this one or Becoming and I don’t think I can handle that one right now. He was a sucker for the heartbreaking episodes too.”

Too damn close to home.

She hit play and sank back into the couch. It wasn’t like she had never watched Buffy without Dick, but it definitely wasn’t the same without his running commentary beside her.  When the theme song started playing, she felt something that could only be described as her heart imploding, until she felt a hand rest on top of her own.  She looked over and saw Jason’s sad smile as he rubbed her hand, and then at Tim, who had shifted to rest his head on Jason’s shoulder, eyes staring at the screen. Barbara readjusted her position to lean against Jason as well, getting more comfortable, and shifted the blanket so it was covering all three of them. It was nice, watching together like that.

Dick would have loved it.

* * *

Barbara didn’t have to look towards the door to know that Bruce was leaning against the frame watching her.  She had heard him in the hallway earlier in the evening, checking in on the three of them, but not interrupting.  Jason and Tim had just left, having watched five episodes with her (including a mandatory sing along), but they were planning on patrolling together that night and were headed out to the city.  Television was a great distraction, but while he hadn’t said it in a straight forward way, Jason wanted to grieve through violence and Tim hadn’t disagreed.

Netflix was still rolling, but she was no longer paying any attention.

“You could have watched with us.”

“I prefer Angel.”

“You would.  Creature of the night with a preference for wearing black, sticking to the shadows and always walking dramatically through double doors.”

Bruce hummed in response and entered the dim room.  He looked towards the screen that had continued onto the next episode in silence, and then sat down next to her.  He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his legs, face in his hands.  She had known the man beside her close to half of her life, but this was the first time that she thought that he looked _old_.  Weary and moving a little slower than usual.  And definitely like he had been repeatedly punched in the face recently. She wasn’t surprised, especially today and especially after the year he had, but she didn’t like to see it.  This was Bruce Wayne. The Batman. He was what held the city together day and night and was supposed to be indestructible. 

Until he lost one of the few things that was still holding him together.

He turned to look at her and those intense eyes burned into hers. “You were his favourite person, you know.”

She hit mute on the TV and shook her head slightly, “I think Damian would have disagreed with you about that.” The words slipped out before she could stop them and she slapped her hand to her mouth.  She couldn’t believe how stupid she was to mention Damian on today of all days; on the day that he buried his second son in as many months. It was something that they had all been tip toeing around knowing that Bruce had not been dealing well with Damian’s death well at all.  She didn’t want to think about what was going to happen now that Dick’s funeral was over.

“Perhaps.” His voice sounded emotionless and Barbara couldn’t tell if that was because it was trying to detach himself to hold onto some semblance of strength or if he was just exhausted and didn’t have any feelings left right now. She knew he wasn’t the stone wall that people often accuse him of being; he just couldn’t always express it the way that other’s thought he should. He cared so much that it sometimes just came out ‘wrong’.

Sadness sometimes just looked like anger in the wrong clothes.

Barbara shifted so that her position mirrored his and leaned in a little closer, but still far enough apart that they weren’t touching. “I also think you are selling yourself short in the ranking of Dick’s people.”

“I was his guardian, not his friend.”

“If he were here Dick would be arguing that you were both.”

She knew she was right and she hoped that Bruce knew that too, even if he wouldn’t admit it.  She had been there to see the evolution of their relationship and she knew that it was a mixture of father and son, brothers, partners, friends and colleagues.  Sometimes it was the combination of those dynamics that caused friction (to the point of explosion), but they always would be there for each other when it really mattered. Even in the end, it was Bruce that Dick had wanted with him, not anyone else.

“Maybe, unless we were having one of our bad weeks.  But he loved you Barbara. Since the beginning. That love changed as you grew up but you were always what you needed to be for each other. Dick’s heart always led his actions, for better or for worse. It was always going to lead him back to you.” Bruce swallowed and rubbed his eyes.  He just looked like the stress of it all was burying him. “Magnetic pull.”

“We weren’t together.”

“Doesn’t change anything I said.”

“Maybe if I had gone with him to Chicago we wouldn’t been sitting here now. If I had just followed him there…” That had been running through her mind a lot for the past few days. Maybe if she had been there in Chicago, he wouldn’t have come back. Something might have stopped him from being captured by the Crime Syndicate and then this whole mess could have been avoided. She had heard enough about timelines from speedsters over the years to know that just one change could alter lives dramatically.

Thinking about fate was an overwhelming thing when you were already depressed.

“Neither of you were ready for that.”

“He told you?”

“Most things. Not sure he always realized how much he told me. Chatterbox.” He gave the smallest of shrugs, “He talked. I listened.”

“And grunted.” He grunted at her in response and they both smiled a little at each other. “I don’t really blame myself.  I just wish we made different choices sometimes. I wonder how we ended up here.”

“Don’t we all.”  Bruce was looking at a row of photos that were on the bookcase against the wall. All of the photos in this room were pictures of the family that Bruce had built rather than the one that he had been born into. Nearly all of them had Dick in them - by himself, or group shots with Bruce, Alfred, Jason, Tim or Damian, and she saw herself in a few as well.  The one that Barbara had always found herself drawn to was one from when Dick must have been about nine years old, getting a piggyback ride from Bruce.  It looked like a candid shot, probably taken by Alfred, and Bruce was grinning over his shoulder to look at Dick, who was clearly roaring with laughter.  There was something about it that was just _so_ Dick.

Barbara placed her hand on Bruce’s forearm. “He loved you, too.”

“I know. Probably more than he should.”

“You were his dad.”

“I wasn’t. Not really.”

“You were in every way that mattered.  At least to him.” She brushed her fingers lightly against his arm and his eyes snapped back to hers and there was something there that she just couldn’t place. “He told me so many times that he was lucky that he had the chance to have two amazing fathers, when some kids don’t even get one. He was shattered when we thought you were dead. That he had lost another father.” He cast his eyes back to the floor, without Barbara having figured out what he was thinking about. “He’d do anything for you. You know that.”

“I’m gravely aware of that.”

It was one of those times that she had had over the years that she got the feeling that while she was talking to Bruce, they were having two drastically different conversations.  Sometimes she called him on it, sometimes she looked into it later, but this felt like one of the few times that she was just going to let it rest. She didn’t need to know what Bruce was actually talking about if he wasn’t going to volunteer the information. Not today.

“Are you going out tonight?”

“No.” Batgirl and Barbara both needed a night off, which is why she hadn’t gone out with Tim and Jason. Her mind wasn’t in the game and she couldn’t afford to make a mistake in the field and get hurt. “Do you mind if I stay here?”

“Not if you don’t mind some company. I’m staying in too. It’s my pick now, though.” Barbara reached over to the end table and pulled out a bag of M&M’s and tossed them to Bruce. He grinned at her and grabbed the remote, hit a few buttons and the screen changed, and Barbara burst out laughing as words started scrolling on the screen.

Dick’s other viewing obsession was apparently up next for tonight.

“You may have got him hooked on Buffy, but I introduced him to Star Wars first. And he dressed up as Luke Skywalker for Halloween three years in a row. I win.”

“Dick was the best of us. We all got to win.”


End file.
